February 28th, 2025
The First Time is always the hardest
New blog, Anna Karenina, the Ottomans, and hope
This is the third time I've started a blog, although I don't know if I'd consider the first time a blog per say. I think a blog is more personal than the essays I was writing there. Regardless, it's nice to have one again. I feel as though I need a space where I can write down lingering thoughts that aren't personal enough to go into a diary, nor too polished enough to make it into a more proper piece of writing. There's a middle ground in that space that I hope this blog makes ample use of.
I broke past the half-way mark on Anna Karenina this week, and it's been a conflicting experience. I guess I'm just not sure if I'm even enjoying the book. It's not that I dislike the book, it's only that most of the time I'm bored. Like although the book is slow, it doesn't lack excitement. Tolstoy moves the narrative at a snail's pace, building the conflicts layer by layer, until about every hundred pages or so, I find myself intensely interested in where the story is going, and the inevitable tragic or triumphant fate that is about to befall one of the characters. That enthusiasm is then immediately drained, when Tolstoy goes back to the drawing board, once again crafting the next narrative arc inch by inch. As I'm writing this, I'm actually finding myself thinking about the novel quite pleasantly, so I guess I do like the book after all.
I've been thinking recently about the nature of the Ottoman Empire, after having recently read Tamim Ansary's Destiny Disrupted. Ansary describes the nature of the state as being as complex, as it was interwoven. Each piece of the empire, from the social order established by the numerous Sufi Brotherhoods to the strength the Janissaries lent it's political institutions, were delicately balanced with one another. This balance was both to the empire's strength, as well as it's detriment. During its rise, success in one corner could bolster another. But during its decline, issues in one imperial sphere could easily translate into issues in the others. It's been on my mind as of late because in many ways I feel as though the United States has operated under similar multipolar conditions throughout its lifetime. If we treat the first joint-stock companies to colonize the Americas as the first corporations, then the United States has always owed its existence to the tension between state and capital power. Two powers that have now seemingly been unified.
I often feel that my biggest hurdle in life is my own cowardice. No matter what it is, the fear of what isn't has long driven me to remain with what is. It doesn't matter if taking the first step has almost always been worth it, the worry that I might trip and fall tends to override the knowledge that I can always stand back up and keep going. Thankfully, once I do take that first step, the rest doesn't seem so bad.